9 Things That Suck When You’re 9 Months Pregnant

March 20, 2016

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  1. Getting out of the bath. Baths are the only thing that offer my body relief from the tough task of growing a human. But getting out? It takes (what feels like) the momentum of an Olympic sprinter to get my body from sitting to standing position after the water drains. Then I stand up in a cold bathroom and have to dry off my ginormous body. Then I have to put on clothes! Do you know how much energy it takes to put on pants when you’re 9 months pregnant?
  2. Picking a place to eat. My husband always asks what I’m craving and where I’d like to eat… At this point, all I’m craving is ice chips. Kinda makes picking a restaurant hard.
  3. Putting toddlers to bed. Step one: change diapers. Step two: chase them (or beg them to come to me) so I can put on pajama’s. Step three: get milk. Step four: put them in bed. Step five: make the one year old get back into bed. Step six: two year old says she pooped, go check on that. Step seven: she lied. Step eight: the one year old pooped. Step nine: Make your husband put them to bed from now on.
  4. Sex. I mean… Where does my belly go? Why do I always have to pee two minutes in? Why does the only alone moment my husband and I have all day have to be when I’m trying to sleep? I’m like, reallllllly tired.
  5. Grocery shopping. You know what would make grocery shopping better? If I had a wheelchair. Or if I could fit in the kid’s stroller.
  6. Nighttime. I get in bed between 8:30 and 9 (this isn’t typical for me but I’m just way too exhausted lately). Then I have to get up at least 6 or 7 times to pee before I’m comfortable enough to try and sleep. Then I have to find a position where my back, neck, hips, belly, and legs aren’t in pain. Sometimes it’s past 11 and I’m still trying to get comfortable! Oh and can’t forget waking up another 5 times through the night to pee. And waking up sweating cause I’m way too hot. I haven’t used a blanket in like two months.
  7. Weight checks at the doctor. You’re supposed to gain weight when you’re pregnant. It means you’re being healthy and your baby is growing. But at 9 months, your baby is gaining half a pound a week! So really, what’s the point of making me stand on a scale that tells me how fat I’m getting. I don’t need to know the exact number.
  8. Talking to people. While on vacation, a woman asked if the girls were twins (this happens EVERY time we go out), so I gave my usual reply, “no they’re about a year apart!” And she replied, “oh and you’re having more? Looks like twins in there!” pointing to my belly. Lol. No. And also, I hate you.
  9. My memory (and my brain, in general). One morning, I was doing my hair. I grabbed what I thought was dry shampoo and started spraying it liberally all over my hair. It wasn’t until I smelled what was coming out that I realized I was actually spraying firm hold hair spray…

Yeah, the last few weeks suck. But in all seriousness, I’m so excited for little man’s arrival!

And not just because it means I won’t be pregnant anymore…that’s just a reallllllly small part of it ;)

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“Mama” and “Big Sister” tees by The Blue Envelope.



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