Bumpdates Loss. Maternity

29 Weeks (and 37 Weeks)

May 17, 2018

Bumpdate: 29 weeks

How far along?

29 weeks… getting so close!

Fruit?

The baby is as big as an acorn squash. Whatever that is, lol.

How many months?

7 months pregnant!

Are you showing?

Large and in charge over here.

Cravings?

Fruit popsicles.

Sleeping?

Not even a little bit.

Symptoms?

Braxton hicks, lightning crotch, sciatica, repeat.

Mood this week?

Now it’s time to get personal. I’ve been wanting to write this out for several weeks now, but haven’t had the time or energy. The truth is, I’ve been experiencing some really conflicting feelings lately. On one hand, I’m so excited to meet Bronx and I’m already falling in love with her with every little kick. On the other hand, my heart aches for the baby we lost last October. It’s not easy to feel such different emotions at the same time. I never, ever want anyone (especially Bronx) to think that me feeling this way diminishes my love for her. I’ve just been extremely triggered lately. The past several weeks my Instagram feed has been flooded with beautiful mamas giving birth to their adorable little miracle babies. The same mamas that were announcing their pregnancies right before my miscarriage. Today, I would have been 37 weeks pregnant (due on my 5th wedding anniversary, June 7th). Three weeks away from welcoming a brand new life into this world. But, I’m not. I’m 29 weeks pregnant with a beautiful and healthy baby girl. I’m still trying to process this and it’s difficult to do while carrying life that you’re supposed to be 100% grateful for, regardless of the circumstances. I think my biggest lesson over these next few weeks needs to be accepting my feelings and knowing that no matter what, my feelings are valid. And that even while I feel sad and my heart aches, I am fiercely in love with the baby girl growing inside my belly.

 

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