- Getting out of the bath. Baths are the only thing that offer my body relief from the tough task of growing a human. But getting out? It takes (what feels like) the momentum of an Olympic sprinter to get my body from sitting to standing position after the water drains. Then I stand up in a cold bathroom and have to dry off my ginormous body. Then I have to put on clothes! Do you know how much energy it takes to put on pants when you’re 9 months pregnant?
- Picking a place to eat. My husband always asks what I’m craving and where I’d like to eat… At this point, all I’m craving is ice chips. Kinda makes picking a restaurant hard.
- Putting toddlers to bed. Step one: change diapers. Step two: chase them (or beg them to come to me) so I can put on pajama’s. Step three: get milk. Step four: put them in bed. Step five: make the one year old get back into bed. Step six: two year old says she pooped, go check on that. Step seven: she lied. Step eight: the one year old pooped. Step nine: Make your husband put them to bed from now on.
- Sex. I mean… Where does my belly go? Why do I always have to pee two minutes in? Why does the only alone moment my husband and I have all day have to be when I’m trying to sleep? I’m like, reallllllly tired.
- Grocery shopping. You know what would make grocery shopping better? If I had a wheelchair. Or if I could fit in the kid’s stroller.
- Nighttime. I get in bed between 8:30 and 9 (this isn’t typical for me but I’m just way too exhausted lately). Then I have to get up at least 6 or 7 times to pee before I’m comfortable enough to try and sleep. Then I have to find a position where my back, neck, hips, belly, and legs aren’t in pain. Sometimes it’s past 11 and I’m still trying to get comfortable! Oh and can’t forget waking up another 5 times through the night to pee. And waking up sweating cause I’m way too hot. I haven’t used a blanket in like two months.
- Weight checks at the doctor. You’re supposed to gain weight when you’re pregnant. It means you’re being healthy and your baby is growing. But at 9 months, your baby is gaining half a pound a week! So really, what’s the point of making me stand on a scale that tells me how fat I’m getting. I don’t need to know the exact number.
- Talking to people. While on vacation, a woman asked if the girls were twins (this happens EVERY time we go out), so I gave my usual reply, “no they’re about a year apart!” And she replied, “oh and you’re having more? Looks like twins in there!” pointing to my belly. Lol. No. And also, I hate you.
- My memory (and my brain, in general). One morning, I was doing my hair. I grabbed what I thought was dry shampoo and started spraying it liberally all over my hair. It wasn’t until I smelled what was coming out that I realized I was actually spraying firm hold hair spray…
Yeah, the last few weeks suck. But in all seriousness, I’m so excited for little man’s arrival!
And not just because it means I won’t be pregnant anymore…that’s just a reallllllly small part of it ;)
“Mama” and “Big Sister” tees by The Blue Envelope.